05-05-2017, 10:43 AM
I don't understand the 'sale' in the title, I can picture a sell, like a man (because of love letter and ... wedge) sold himself (convinced you of his attractiveness as a man) and you have remorse over thinking about buying what he sells (not quite buyers remorse), since the despair seems to come from the wedge it created.
I think it would look better like this:
I think it would look better like this:
(05-05-2017, 01:50 AM)nibbed Wrote: the sky fallsI like how 'I must confess' and 'of much hissing' are positioned and confess somewhat rhymes with wedge, cool. I just think with that in mind you might change the first line, the sky falls is bland, hope this helps!
mace and chains
whips and fire
as you wait
for my love letter
your murky wedge
between me & God
I must confess
I see snakes
and worms
and hear
the sounds
of much hissing
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches

