Still time...edit 1.1 ella,burr,nibb, ella again...

[tectak]

We look to see See something? Since I want to see, I move on to the next line. I think moving "each paradox" up to L1 would be interesting, too. I think you moved it because it may have been a predictable flow if you cut it "...each paradox//that slides across..." So this break works.
each paradox, that slides across wide open eyes, What's going on with all the commas?
is moving dot by quantum dot within our perceived thoughts. What made you decide to extend this line so far? Another choice you have probably already considered is breaking this line at "within", but your feelings about flow are yours. The way this whole line flows is interesting as it stands alone, so I still like it. I like the consonance between the "dot"s and "thoughts". 
Strange, then, that when we blink the change What does it mean to "blink the change"? The way this is phrased feels awkward, especially moving into these next few lines. They're good lines, but I can't decide if you intended to make them sound like questions as well as statements simultaneously.
is someone gone
or war is won
or love is lost. Moving from the long line to these short ones, I like the breaks between these thoughts. The pauses give us time to reflect on each one.

We dream in each This line break feels awkward to me. Although, it's deliberate, so I may have to think about it.
entangled plane, a time where unwrit future lies, but not 
until the pieces move, align and hold for what we see as now. Here is how I would have broken it (not that your choices are wrong, but when people critique me I enjoy seeing the "writing process" from their point of view):

"We dream in each untangled plane, a time
where unwrit future lies,
but not until the pieces move, align and hold
for what we see as now."

It's interesting how different line-breaks bring different perceptions to life. Like I said, I'm not trying to correct you. I just like exploring various options.
Strange, then, that when we dream we fail
I really like this line. The break ties two independent thoughts together, so they're simultaneously one and two thoughts.
to hold the moon
or count the stars
or drink the sea. Again, I like the pauses.

We  come to death,
our past has gone and all it's parts are fixed anew in space. 
We stumble through fresh formed terrain which flashes in to view. Is the terrain the thing that is viewing, or did you mean "into view"?
Strange, then, that when we die we hope
to meet old friends,
rekindle love,
and yet be free.
There are so many provocative ways of thinking presented in your piece, and it's consistent flow helps us to understand why you chose your line breaks. It begins as an unpredictable poem, but maybe you can give your audience the benefit of the doubt by challenging them to understand your flow while exploring different line-breaks. 

The paradox theme is intriguing. I especially like your ending because it brings to mind something I haven't considered-- trying to escape the pain of this life only to re-encounter it in the next (that's the idea I got). Why should we try so hard to escape something just to strive to find it again?
tectak 2017

Many thanks burr. As you can see from the edit, I eat all crit. I was particularly aware of the effectiveness, or otherwise of the enjambment/line lengths in this. I admit it is one of my experimental constants. You noticed the peregrinations
Best,
tectak