05-01-2017, 09:43 AM
Halo Jared,
I like the concept of your poem in incorporating 'demons' with the fear to neither closing nor opening your eyes. Although I found it too 'simple' (not that simple is bad, no), it's just that.. I found it lacking of emotions built to feel the pain, the horror or even the dilemma because it was that 'simple'.
I'm really hoping you can be more descriptive in wording them, maybe you can incorporate something physical to the emotions you tried put in your poem so the readers can actually feel. They don't have to be in fancy words. Again, simplicity is not necessarily a bad thing.
Keep up with the work, Jared
I like the concept of your poem in incorporating 'demons' with the fear to neither closing nor opening your eyes. Although I found it too 'simple' (not that simple is bad, no), it's just that.. I found it lacking of emotions built to feel the pain, the horror or even the dilemma because it was that 'simple'.
I'm really hoping you can be more descriptive in wording them, maybe you can incorporate something physical to the emotions you tried put in your poem so the readers can actually feel. They don't have to be in fancy words. Again, simplicity is not necessarily a bad thing.
Keep up with the work, Jared