Red Velvet Sunrise

[Richard]

Hey wordgobbler,
I get what you are trying to convey here, and I like some of your language use. My biggest suggestion would be to ask yourself if some of your details and images are helping you achieve your purpose, or are they detracting from it? I'll explain more below:

(I wrote this poem trying to convey a feeling of acceptance and empowerment.)

I am sitting on the roof as the morning stretches blue sleep away and drags -How can sleep be blue? I actually sort of get what you mean here, but the metaphor could be clearer.
a red velvet across its shoulders. Everything is smaller than me. I finger the
brick, red and raw like dried blood but it is far. -Be careful when using colours. You already have the red velvet in the second line, and now you have the red, raw brick. Is there a reason why both of these are the same colour? It's worth thinking about if there isn't.
          I am becoming. Girl as city. -It is important to remember that the way you space this line gives it emphasis. I would suggest saying something like, "I have changed like this city." This the meaning I get from this line, but I could be wrong.
There are lights. Tarps in windows, curling plants. Streets have cars missing
like teeth, those already gone off to work or those who haven't come home -This simile of the streets and teeth is best part of the poem. It's wonderful language use.
yet. There is a wind that tussles my hair like his hand. Donuts are being sprinkled, -Why donuts? I just don't see what it adds to what you are trying to say in this poem.
shower curtains drawn back. I am shuddering - not from the cold but from the
hum in my chest. An old song, dizzy in my head, plays; An old man singing from
a mountain to his heart, lost somewhere in the town below -Is the old man the hand with the hair from a few lines back? Again, I kind of get what you are going for here, but it could done with more clarity. 
"I am here and it's okay, you can forget about me" -I get the impression that this is the old man speaking/singing. Am I correct?

I notice that this might be too much detail for the Basic Critique Forum, so please don't be scared off. I actually think this poem has promise. Overall, I would recommend revising this poem because I think you got a good idea here. You just need to try to communicate it more clearly.

Keep writing,
Richard