NaPM April 27, 2017

[Todd]

Closing Time Word Problem

If Curtis is six-feet tall and 180 lbs.
and consumes four 12 oz. Budweiser
in under one hour. 

Then solve for

if he should visit his bitch ex-wife,
Susan.

If he leaves the bar at 2 AM,
and travels to her home 
at an average speed
of 25 mph in a curved line.

Then solve for

If his 1982 Ford pickup will crash
into a steel fencepost. 

Extra credit: Will his head shatter the front glass
of his windshield? (Use the attached
statistical model to determine seat belt usage).

If Curtis discovers the secret knock
by banging his fist in alternating patterns
against the solid core door,
or the password, which is a combination
of his ex-wife’s name, and some words 
from a George Carlin routine.

Then solve for: If his ex-wife will open the door.

Extra Credit: Is his stepson holding a baseball bat?

If two trains leave the station
traveling away from one another
so fast that the clouds melt
against a smear of dirty sky.

Then solve for 

If and when the trains will cross paths,
assuming a track 1000 miles long
and circular.