A Scattering of Poets

[tectak]

Hey tectak,
I think changing the the "or" to an "of" does help to a certain extent. I actually like the line better with that change. However, I would still suggest reworking the line as some of the others suggested.  As well, I would keep the "cream-curdled words," but just add may be another line or two expanding on the image. In my opinion, it's sounds far too interesting to leave out, or perhaps you could use that image in a poem of its own?

Cheers,
Richard

Hello rich,
 many thanks for your comments. That was a bad typo as it COULD work both ways...
The "cream-curdled words" is probably too hyperbolic...like honeyed words or vinegared words or fiery words or vitriolic words. The problem is always the same in Intensive. You really believe you have got the mot juste then some bloody crit says no....and they are more often than not correct.

I am still trying to substitute for fateful. To me it expresses what I want it to express but not what others see...and that is what counts. I may leave "subterfuge of watered eyes..." because I feel a certain human trait at funerals/scatterings when the deceit of tears is the mark of mock-sincerity to gain late kudos... a conclusion by some of others...and I have been both. 

I am rambling and giving too much away. The poem is the poem is the poem.
Thanks again,
 best,
 tectak