04-23-2017, 04:41 AM
Hey tectak,
I think changing the the "or" to an "of" does help to a certain extent. I actually like the line better with that change. However, I would still suggest reworking the line as some of the others suggested. As well, I would keep the "cream-curdled words," but just add may be another line or two expanding on the image. In my opinion, it's sounds far too interesting to leave out, or perhaps you could use that image in a poem of its own?
Cheers,
Richard
I think changing the the "or" to an "of" does help to a certain extent. I actually like the line better with that change. However, I would still suggest reworking the line as some of the others suggested. As well, I would keep the "cream-curdled words," but just add may be another line or two expanding on the image. In my opinion, it's sounds far too interesting to leave out, or perhaps you could use that image in a poem of its own?
Cheers,
Richard