04-16-2017, 12:37 PM
Control
I read food labels three times
before eating; one or two grams of fat
is my limit. I halve the suggested portion –
I need to cut my size in half. I'm strength training,
resistance training – resisting hunger,
containing desire. There are rules:
only the tip of my fork can touch food,
and food can't touch my lips.
I want to see my collar bones.
I want my hip bones to rise like islands
out of the sea when I lay on my back.
When I stretch out my hands, there should be
a hollow like a hammock of skin
above my thumb. Once I realize these goals,
I'll know I'm strong. Once I've achieved asceticism,
I can say I'm worthy. Until then, I must run
longer, farther, steeper – order only coffee.
There's always pain, the ache of a hollow body, but it's mine –
once I pay my penance in pounds, I'll be free.
I read food labels three times
before eating; one or two grams of fat
is my limit. I halve the suggested portion –
I need to cut my size in half. I'm strength training,
resistance training – resisting hunger,
containing desire. There are rules:
only the tip of my fork can touch food,
and food can't touch my lips.
I want to see my collar bones.
I want my hip bones to rise like islands
out of the sea when I lay on my back.
When I stretch out my hands, there should be
a hollow like a hammock of skin
above my thumb. Once I realize these goals,
I'll know I'm strong. Once I've achieved asceticism,
I can say I'm worthy. Until then, I must run
longer, farther, steeper – order only coffee.
There's always pain, the ache of a hollow body, but it's mine –
once I pay my penance in pounds, I'll be free.