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[almonds]

What inclines This beginning makes me think you're about to impose a riddle. Are you riddling your audience?

> The first two lines are like dreamy metaphors introducing the curiosity that drives the piece. A way of questioning Why one adorns them self.
From then on, you could say, I'm trying to solve the riddle.

What makes the brimming Spring I also think each line serves as a pause or breath, so ending with Spring, you may want to reconsider how the next line will affect us after the pause.
brace the exposed That being said, is "brace" a verb you want to use? Or do you want to eliminate it, and leave this part ambiguous and two-worded? "... brimming Spring--- the exposed?"

It's actually meant to be one line 'What makes the brimming Spring brace the exposed'; I split it into two to see what would happen.. But now that you point out the pause, I am thinking I should keep it as a single line.  

So immaculate, so chaste 
as though as virginal Spoken aloud, I think this will sound confusing. It's muddied up by the overuse of the word "as". I would recommend putting "virginal" after "chaste" to resolve the previous line. "So immaculate, so chaste, virginal".

Oh, thank you for pointing this out; I was quite sure and felt the second 'as' was grammatically needed, but now I see the conjunction doesn't actually work that way. 

But if a gaze is that of a masculine power Don't be too artsy-fartsy. Compelling language is often simple, and it strikes us through its ability to be clearly understood.

I see where you are coming from; but can I possibly leave a line or two in a poem, being 'artsy-fartsy'?
It shouldn't be that challenging to understand. 
I happen to think it makes the stanza a bit more edgy, but you are welcome to add any suggestions for rephrasing. 

Would you rather I came bare or covered? Nice sexual innuendo.

Thank you for your interpretation.

                                                                      <----There's a lot of ominous space here. Is this a silent part of the film?--

Yes.

The aim is what you’re always bothered with 
I don't really understand what this is supposed to mean.

More pauses.
>It's basically saying, The aim (of what I'm doing to my image) is what you (the male spectator) are always bothered with. 'Why do you do this' etc 
>For example, if I made an appearance or 'came' to visit someone, they would wonder 'Why is she dressed like this / wearing this make-up'...

That what is watching  
is always wondering what lies under it all 
To unruin the already ruined, Making up words is acceptable, but I don't think "unruin" exists in dictionaries.
or stretch out my frame

Thank you for your thoughts. However I think I will allow it to stay there, honouring the place of invention it comes from.
Seen quite a few poems doing this.

To rehabilitate, renovate, or extend Now you're teaching us carpentry skills.

Hehe, perhaps.

If you weigh what’s mine and what it counters 
How can I please feel bothered I'm going to reiterate simplicity. Over-compensation dilutes clear points. I think "please" can be removed.

I think I am at the stage of poetry writing where communicating clear points in simplicity doesn't come that naturally yet, as I am still trying to figure myself out. And I guess this is a kind of opportunity that allows the audience do the same.

Now that we've reached the second area of ominous space, I'm feeling confused. Everyone is told not to be abstract. Abstraction is a tool best left for masters of poetic craft. So, I would recommend sitting down to think about what this last section was supposed to mean. Do you have any clear ideas, or are you throwing words out of an abstract place in your mind? If you yourself don't know, then assume your audience will be just as puzzled. The section above could benefit from concise, blunt statements.

Thank you, I'll take this into consideration. 
> I give varied breaks where I feel a pause after a stanza or a line would seal an impact and give time for reflection. 

Sat inside the shared-house
Roaring walls of desire cry out I like the innuendo here. Walls of her you-know-what?

Your dimension of interpretation  

for more time, rewiring, I think you're a carpenter by trade.

My selection of words just happen to fall into that category. 
If I'm incorporating spaces (shared house, shrines..) in my imagery, might they not as well fit there?

and something to buy her
Like a capricious child 
acute in acquiring
the preciousness of cute These lines make sense, but the language used is confusing. How can you more clearly dictate what you say in fewer lines? Maybe: "A cute, precious child// capricious.." There are so many options.

Will think about this.

They eye her How so? This line is suggesting so much, and I wonder what you mean here.

I appreciate you questioning this.
The previous critic got it very close.

They eye her ambiguous pronoun, they must be masculine? The feeling of paranoia every woman must feel about leering eyes and cat calls

The quiet space seemed inviting 
The space between the pilot of the vessel With less words, it reads: "... space between pilot and vessel". Do you like that?

Nope, sorry. Looks a bit broken to me. I'd like to keep this line the length it is. And I feel the's are needed for certainty.

So I bite on some dried fruit This metaphor could be more powerful if you'd previously mentioned fruit. Try using more nectar metaphors throughout, then carry it on.
Soya milk "Soya milk" can easily rest as the resolve for the last line, so a line break here isn't necessary.

Thank you for pointing this out, and the suggestion.
Since I'm pairing the text with imagery, could I possibly use it as means for referencing / repeating metaphors?
For example, could it work if I showed imagery of fruits beforehand, other than actually mentioning it in words?

And guess I’m about to go with it
The whole of my ensemble
could do with another note in it
A little change of rote
Not estranged – Nice consonance, nice internal rhyme. These five lines are good, but can be reduced to four or three. 
still resembling the strength that I came here with

>< Thanks;
I don't think 4 or 3 lines would fit, as none of the other stanzas is that short.

The lines that I draw At this point, I feel like I've nit-picked so much of your work. There is some consistency in everything I've noted, so I will continue with it.
are not there to shame the lands that they claim The drawn lines and claimed land seem odd, and have now appeared from nowhere. Like I said before about the fruit: Metaphors, symbols, etc., give your work absolute strength when they are carried through the entire piece. They evolve, and are permeable. Go back to the beginning-- apply them through permutation. 
Rather rhyme with them,
with the aim of acclaiming the finery
of the apricots and pines See, you did it here.
aligned so divinely
within the arches of my eyebrows

The lines that I draw
Rhyme with them Here's a good spot-- the lines, the rhymes, and whatever "them" is, will be so powerful when you apply similar metaphors from the beginning to this provocative point.

I was trying to be continuously inventive, but you have a strong point, and now I see what it does...
Thank you!

Marking vows that reverberate inside humble shrines Nice!

Ta. 

whose walls are not man-built They're her walls, right?

 I don't know if it's me or you this time, but yes
they're her walls, in a way.

but not quite yet gilded either
Still need to feel the resonant power
of a self-love bible As in, self-help book equated to the power of spirituality?
and meet the preacher
that will treasure the space they hold
for what it is and is not Nice integration of the priest.

Correct.
Thank you.

This sand These two words don't harbor the power two words alone deserve.
the land, and the nation, is mine
And it’s fine to do whatever I favour

Would you rather it was:
>This sand; the land, and the nation
>is mine

- Or all in one line?

I recommend looking up what metaphors are and how they are used, then what imagery is and how it's used. The usage of metaphors and imagery seems sloppy.  After a little studying, you'll have a better understanding of your own work. Everything interwoven here needs stronger connection. The stronger the connection of the words, the stronger the connection between you and your lover will be conveyed. The more solid your ideas are, the less abstract this work will be-- spoken or read.

Thank you ever so much for your generous elaboration! 
I'll see how I can reflect on this.
I wonder why are people afraid of abstract poetry - It doesn't seem likewise in art...
For me it all would be about creativity, invention and giving one the space for enough interpretation.