Cutting the cord

[Donald Q.]

Cutting the Cord

The cutting of the fleshy cord       Having 'the' twice is bothering me.. maybe just 'cutting the fleshy cord' ?
the first ritual of my independence
no longer a living extension
of my Mother’s body   You don't need to capitalise. 
for I’m now severed to live life apart  Bit too wordy

But since developing to a man   'into' ? 
two plugs lay nestled in my ears   Watch your tense, it's confusing
their white slinder cord hang    'Slender' 
around me like a noose    Confusing imagery in this stanza; it is a weight tying you down or a noose tying you up? 
and I am weighed down
by the electronic device its connected to  'it's' 

It is my soul’s narcotic, my mind’s opiate
for I always carry it around,   'for' seems like padding
like a drip feed  Cables as drip feed works well.
I cannot live without it  Cliche line, you already say this without being so direct
at the forsaking of everything else  'at the forsaking' ? Bit clunky.
even the maker’s loving hand  Your mother / god? This could be something to develop. 

So the cutting of this cord
Is not just a ritual of my independence
but of my dependence
to my heavenly father above
whose arm I now cling to
like a helpless babe.   I feel like this last stanza forgets about the imagery of the cables and just goes back to the umbilical

Hi Mark, thanks for posting. Seems like you have a strong idea on your mind which is good, but I think the poem is a bit messy at the moment. It seems like the ipod metaphor is developed only to be tossed out at the end. I'd also say it seems rather odd that despite this metaphor there is no mention of sound or music in the poem, perhaps something to develop? I think develop outwards from your imagery and this poem will grow. 
Hope this was helpful. 
P.s don't forget to proof read, you don't need us to tell you how to spell!