First Edit: poems

[nibbed]

Hi Richard:

Sorry I got outta hand with my first round of critique that wasn't proper critique,
and was rightfully deleted. I guess your poem inspired me to spew a poor poem,
where collaboration is not welcome. I will try to do it properly:


poems                                                                           I'm not sure the title does it justice, seems mundane

poems                                                                           I would eliminate this first word "poems"and get creative
folded                                                                           moving words around in this stanza
like old money                                                              Perhaps, add something about lack of circulation
                                                                                                                                                
collected as a curiosity –
no one accepts them anymore

this was his life’s savings
now
utterly worthless
his hope collateral                                                            interesting
repossessed by those uneducated in metaphor        

his mind cracks                                                                sets the tone for frustration/loss
a sound so familiar
that it’s dismissed as the wind

a thousand years ago
he was a king of sorts
tomorrow
he may be again
but today he is merely broke                                          today is indicative of possible future changes/hope                                          


The poem conveys a subject
made an investment in a hope
that went kapootz, but leaves the reader
believing it is not total demise or
a complete end for the subject.

Best Wishes.