First Edit: Remembrance Day 2013

[LunaDeLore]

First Edit:

Remembrance Day 2013

my grandfather
bequeathed me no formal wealth
all I have left
is a portrait
and his medals

he was fifteen
when he marched through Italy
watched friends die
and killed
other men’s friends

he never told me heroic stories
so it always seemed to me
that in war
death is a hungry child
blindfolded
and bobbing for apples

my grandfather
would sit at the kitchen table
and talk to ghosts

he died when I was young
and many years
passed
before I accepted
that his sacrifice
was my true inheritance

Richard,

This poem flows very well and its flow makes it a bit difficult to pick apart,but there is a little issue sparking my inner critique. In reading your first revision I noticed you chose to go with lower case letters but what knocks it off balance is the capital "I" throughout the work. It's something I've done many times myself so I'll tell you what the critics have told me: if you're gonna compose your work in lower case don't capitalize 'I' because it turns people off. Why did you choose to use lower case?

Enjoyed reading your work; keep writing

Luna