After the Interview

[Richard]

Hey amaril,
I purposely read everyone's feedback so I can try not to be too repetitive. I thoroughly enjoyed  the overall feeling behind this poem, and I also liked some of the images that you used. However, I think you might need to tweak some of this poem to make it more effective. I'll outline that more below.

After the Interview


Snow is pure and indomitable. -I feel like this line isn't needed. I know that snow often represents purity, so it seems redundant to me to say so.
For an hour it melts -I would change this to say something like, "Snow melts for an hour." I just think that image might catch the reader's eye more.
the instant it touches the grass.
The fair flakes, individual
motes of a multitudinous wave,
stick first to the needles of pines.
Brown rocks, warm after
a warm week, resist the urge
to return to winter's sleep. -I really enjoy the image of the rocks because I have a giant rock outside my house that does the same thing.
But the pure snow falls and falls. -Omit the "pure" or use a more interesting adjective
The ground turns the color
of a dusty glass. -These two lines are my favorite part of your poem. Please promise me that you won't ever change them.
The road's noise of oceans -I had to stop and think about this, but I think it works. I would love to see this line explored more in its own poem.
and the birds' chorus of bells
diminish, both, to the muffled
sound of nothing.
I pour some cold
water from the tap
then sit awhile by the window,
watching the vanishing world. -I like the last line about the vanishing world, but the rest of the ending just doesn't work for me. Why do you think the reader needs to know about the speaker pouring water?

Overall, I enjoyed your poem, and I would love to see where you take it from here.

Cheers,
Richard