04-02-2017, 05:38 AM
Hey JaredEggo,
All of the posts about the poem cover just about everything you can think about when it comes to this poem. I have to agree with the posts that say that you have a good concept here that just needs to be developed more.
Personally, I think you need to ask yourself why you wrote this poem. I think you need to decide if you are succeeding at your intended purpose, or if you need to make revisions to achieve whatever your original purpose was for this piece. For example, if this poem was written to be purely therapeutic, then I would say it was a success. However, if you wrote this to be something that a wide audience could relate to, you need to expand on your thoughts and imagery. Everyone can relate to the struggles of temptation, but you need to personalize it more so it becomes more personal for the reader.
Your poem actually reminded me of a bare bones version of the song, “I Can See Clearly Now.” Believe it or not, that song was written about overcoming drug addiction. In closing, I definitely think you need to do a edit of this poem, and I look forward to reading it.
Keep writing,
Richard
All of the posts about the poem cover just about everything you can think about when it comes to this poem. I have to agree with the posts that say that you have a good concept here that just needs to be developed more.
Personally, I think you need to ask yourself why you wrote this poem. I think you need to decide if you are succeeding at your intended purpose, or if you need to make revisions to achieve whatever your original purpose was for this piece. For example, if this poem was written to be purely therapeutic, then I would say it was a success. However, if you wrote this to be something that a wide audience could relate to, you need to expand on your thoughts and imagery. Everyone can relate to the struggles of temptation, but you need to personalize it more so it becomes more personal for the reader.
Your poem actually reminded me of a bare bones version of the song, “I Can See Clearly Now.” Believe it or not, that song was written about overcoming drug addiction. In closing, I definitely think you need to do a edit of this poem, and I look forward to reading it.
Keep writing,
Richard