Letter to a Lover, From a Mama's Boy

[tectak]

I’m waiting for the holiday to amplify my mood;A good opener should really be thematic...and this may well be the case. I note, though, that far from being obviously specific we are expected to piece together the what's and why's as the poem progresses. I believe that more should be made of the "letter", even if that means squaring the circle in the last stanza. As it is, there seems to be some randomised writing as you await purpose. I may be wrong
the change is taking longer than it should.
And even though your relatives are having lots of fun,Not convinced of the need for And. The scan will shift about anyway.
I am not feeling even slightly good.A poor line with no equating thought. It is not as good as its peers. It could and should say more....and say it better. I can see your frivolity of speech but am not convinced it is a dynamic worth hanging on to.

The Christmas tree is glowing with a headache-causing hue.Like this. Observational.
The cookies have way too much cinnamon.Awkward scan means I go though hoops in my head.
And every time aunt Lisa laughs I feel like I will die;Andy again.
her voice, to me, is a carcinogen.No. Contrived and inaccurate.

I chose to leave this letter so you would know where I am;
I wouldn’t ever want you to feel blue.You are now bored with rhyming and it shows. Blue, you, moon, spoon.  Take more time and work on it.
Forgive me - I’m a coward - and I don’t deserve your love.
Please tell aunt Lisa that it’s her not you.

Maybe there is something wrong with me.
There’s a decent chance I won’t recover.
Just like all the other men who failed to carry on,
I will go back home to live with mother.This is what I meant about squaring the circle...I am only half way round and whoops...what happened?

-BW BRINE

Hello BWB,
This is an envelope poem. Everything is in there and probably sealed up...and that is a pity because you really could spend an hour or two picking away at the thing before calling it a day and posting it.
First off, you do not need (and have not spent time due to the the lack of need) on a rigid rhyme scheme....frankly, and kindly, what you have barely qualifies in that department. You should decide, though, which way you want to go. Thing is, if YOU don't know then what chance the reader?
 I love rhyming poetry and accept that these days it's mostly for the birds....BUT...if you really want to make a discipline of it you may as well give it your best shot...and that doesn't mean making "cinnamon" rhyme with the strangely re-defined "carcinogen". If you cannot get B to rhyme with A , then change A. I mean, what else is in cookies?
I don't want to sound trite or pretentious because it is quite a stylised piece of work and gets by on that alone....it really is up to you to get those rhymes tight and meaningful without them sounding contrived and senseless. Not easy in a piece like this but even as an exercise well worth it.
Best,
tectak