First Edit: Remembrance Day 2013

[Todd]

Hi Richard, a couple comments for you.

Remembrance Day 2013 

my grandfather
fifteen
marched through Italy,
watched friends die
and killed
other man’s friends--men's

in war
death seems
a hungry child
blindfolded
and bobbing for apples-
each bite a man--I think this is stronger without spelling it out and ending the strophe on apples.

my grandfather,
too proud for a pension,--not sure how this line adds to your theme.
too shell-shocked to drown death,--shell-shocked is slightly cliche and this line could also be cut like the last one.
would sit at the kitchen table
and talk to ghosts--This final idea is nice.

I feel pride
when I think of my grandfather
in his uniform
posing in that portrait on my wall
smiling a soldier’s smile--This strophe might be better expressed as your opening with the below ending the poem and serving as brackets. Why this could serve as an opening is the contrast between a picture and reality.

I feel pride
because he was man
who choose
to give all he had--The pride strophes are a bit weak because they push sentiment without imagery. They are where you need to spend some time making them more succinct--like you do in other places.

I hope the comments help some.

Best,

Todd