04-01-2017, 05:00 AM
Hey JaredEggo,
This poem deals with a topic we can all relate to, life. The problem with trying to write a poem about the cycle of life is that it has been done many times throughout history. This can make it difficult to say what you want, while trying to sound original. My suggestion would be to take each part of life and write a poem about it. For example, write an entire poem about being born and how important hope plays a role in a newborn's existence.
I did thoroughly enjoyed some of your language use though. One such example would be:
A city bright,
our souls made white,
where all is made of gold.
I would love to see you start a poem about death and dying with this image, and just see where you end up with it.
The other posts covered rhyming well, but I will make one suggestion: You should use longer lines if you are determined to keep rhyming. The reason for this is that short rhyming lines are often associated with nursery rhymes and humorous poems. Overall, I would love to see you stretch this poem into more than one work, and I look forward to reading more of your poems.
Keep writing,
Richard
This poem deals with a topic we can all relate to, life. The problem with trying to write a poem about the cycle of life is that it has been done many times throughout history. This can make it difficult to say what you want, while trying to sound original. My suggestion would be to take each part of life and write a poem about it. For example, write an entire poem about being born and how important hope plays a role in a newborn's existence.
I did thoroughly enjoyed some of your language use though. One such example would be:
A city bright,
our souls made white,
where all is made of gold.
I would love to see you start a poem about death and dying with this image, and just see where you end up with it.
The other posts covered rhyming well, but I will make one suggestion: You should use longer lines if you are determined to keep rhyming. The reason for this is that short rhyming lines are often associated with nursery rhymes and humorous poems. Overall, I would love to see you stretch this poem into more than one work, and I look forward to reading more of your poems.
Keep writing,
Richard