After the Interview

[Todd]

Hi amaril, let me give you some comments on your poem.

After the Interview--I wonder about the title. This feels slice of life, a description of mood, or observation. During the Interview would probably relegate it more toward metaphor as it would juxtapose the snow against a fixed other setting.


Snow is pure and indomitable.--I think this compound modifier weakens your opening. Snow is pure, pure as the driven snow we've heard before. Snow is indomitable though gives an inevitability to its effect.
For an hour it melts
the instant it touches the grass.--This feels slightly confused to me "for an hour it melts or is it it melts the instance it touches the grass. I can grasp what you're saying but I had to stop and parse though it.
The fair flakes, individual
motes of a multitudinous wave,--multitudinous though not inaccurate feels a bit out of place with the other language choices.
stick first to the needles of pines.--needles of pines is pretty phrasing
Brown rocks, warm after
a warm week, resist the urge
to return to winter's sleep.
But the pure snow falls and falls.--Pure again, better to cut. I like the repetition of falls
The ground turns the color
of a dusty glass.--This is lovely.
The road's noise of oceans--I don't often associate oceans with roads. It doesn't necessarily lead me there but okay.
and the birds' chorus of bells--Like this.
diminish, both, to the muffled--like the break
sound of nothing.--This also is a standout line.
I pour some cold--again good break given the content.
water from the tap
then sit awhile by the window,
watching the vanishing world.--The ending feels satisfying.

Enjoyed the read. I hope the feedback will be helpful to you.

Best,

Todd