03-30-2017, 11:45 AM
Hello AsianPotato,
I found that some of your images caught my eye. For example, the imagery of a knight and commoners interested me. However, it felt sort of out of place with the idea of feeling caged. I feel like you could easily make two poems out the imagery you have here.
A note on rhyming, rhyming is incredibly difficult in modern poetry, so I applaud your courage for writing a rhyming poem. I spent years trying to be a rhyming poet, and I gave up on it because, in my opinion, the amount of work it took wasn't worth the limitations rhyming puts on a poet's ability to express their thoughts and feelings. However, if you are determined to rhyme, I would recommend on being consistent. Your rhyme scheme changes from stanza to stanza. If you you are going to be a rhyming poet, you need to establish your rhyme scheme in your poem and follow it. I was always taught that to do otherwise is considered cheating to a certain extent.
I would actually love to see this poem redone without any rhyming. The idea of being caged by reality and the mundane nature of everyday life is relevant to today's audience, so I think you are onto something with this poem. May be even expand the metaphor of the cage. If reality today is a cage, then what are the bars made of? Does that make reality a prison, jail or just a single cell? These are all questions that you could use to further explore the main idea of your poem, and I would look forward to reading what you could come up with. Overall, this is a wonderful first effort, and I look forward to seeing where you take this poem from here.
Keep writing,
Richard
I found that some of your images caught my eye. For example, the imagery of a knight and commoners interested me. However, it felt sort of out of place with the idea of feeling caged. I feel like you could easily make two poems out the imagery you have here.
A note on rhyming, rhyming is incredibly difficult in modern poetry, so I applaud your courage for writing a rhyming poem. I spent years trying to be a rhyming poet, and I gave up on it because, in my opinion, the amount of work it took wasn't worth the limitations rhyming puts on a poet's ability to express their thoughts and feelings. However, if you are determined to rhyme, I would recommend on being consistent. Your rhyme scheme changes from stanza to stanza. If you you are going to be a rhyming poet, you need to establish your rhyme scheme in your poem and follow it. I was always taught that to do otherwise is considered cheating to a certain extent.
I would actually love to see this poem redone without any rhyming. The idea of being caged by reality and the mundane nature of everyday life is relevant to today's audience, so I think you are onto something with this poem. May be even expand the metaphor of the cage. If reality today is a cage, then what are the bars made of? Does that make reality a prison, jail or just a single cell? These are all questions that you could use to further explore the main idea of your poem, and I would look forward to reading what you could come up with. Overall, this is a wonderful first effort, and I look forward to seeing where you take this poem from here.
Keep writing,
Richard