Limbo
#7
Hey Alex,
Your poem made me pause and think. I love much of the language use and the overall idea of the paradoxical nature of the relationship described in the poem. I actually think your poem would have benefited from focusing more on the paradox of the relationship being both poisonous and life giving. As well, there's almost a sense of self-loathing for the speaker, and I would love to see that feeling explored more.

In terms of style, I agree with your lack of punctuation. Personally, I think punctuation doesn't need to be part of modern poetry, but that is just my opinion. I would even go as far as to suggest breaking your lines into two or three individual lines each. For example:

can't decide
if your love's
poison or soma

To me, that would add emphasis to some of the words that are important to the meaning of your poem. Overall, I like what I see here and hope to read more poems from you in the future.

Keep writing,
Richard


Messages In This Thread
Limbo - by AlexSharp - 11-21-2016, 11:36 PM
RE: Limbo - by ellajam - 11-22-2016, 12:13 AM
RE: Limbo - by Jo Frumple - 11-22-2016, 12:02 PM
RE: Limbo - by Mahjong - 11-23-2016, 01:46 AM
RE: Limbo - by Sparkydashforth - 11-23-2016, 02:06 AM
RE: Limbo - by gedankespieler - 11-25-2016, 12:20 PM
RE: Limbo - by Richard - 03-29-2017, 05:19 AM
RE: Limbo - by Radetof.Yahska - 05-26-2017, 02:32 PM
RE: Limbo - by egl12345 - 05-26-2017, 03:12 PM
RE: Limbo - by Jana - 06-06-2017, 04:58 AM



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