03-29-2017, 05:19 AM
Hey Alex,
Your poem made me pause and think. I love much of the language use and the overall idea of the paradoxical nature of the relationship described in the poem. I actually think your poem would have benefited from focusing more on the paradox of the relationship being both poisonous and life giving. As well, there's almost a sense of self-loathing for the speaker, and I would love to see that feeling explored more.
In terms of style, I agree with your lack of punctuation. Personally, I think punctuation doesn't need to be part of modern poetry, but that is just my opinion. I would even go as far as to suggest breaking your lines into two or three individual lines each. For example:
can't decide
if your love's
poison or soma
To me, that would add emphasis to some of the words that are important to the meaning of your poem. Overall, I like what I see here and hope to read more poems from you in the future.
Keep writing,
Richard
Your poem made me pause and think. I love much of the language use and the overall idea of the paradoxical nature of the relationship described in the poem. I actually think your poem would have benefited from focusing more on the paradox of the relationship being both poisonous and life giving. As well, there's almost a sense of self-loathing for the speaker, and I would love to see that feeling explored more.
In terms of style, I agree with your lack of punctuation. Personally, I think punctuation doesn't need to be part of modern poetry, but that is just my opinion. I would even go as far as to suggest breaking your lines into two or three individual lines each. For example:
can't decide
if your love's
poison or soma
To me, that would add emphasis to some of the words that are important to the meaning of your poem. Overall, I like what I see here and hope to read more poems from you in the future.
Keep writing,
Richard