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[burrealist]

What inclines This beginning makes me think you're about to impose a riddle. Are you riddling your audience?
What makes the brimming Spring I also think each line serves as a pause or breath, so ending with Spring, you may want to reconsider how the next line will affect us after the pause.
brace the exposed That being said, is "brace" a verb you want to use? Or do you want to eliminate it, and leave this part ambiguous and two-worded? "... brimming Spring--- the exposed?" 
So immaculate, so chaste 
as though as virginal Spoken aloud, I think this will sound confusing. It's muddied up by the overuse of the word "as". I would recommend putting "virginal" after "chaste" to resolve the previous line. "So immaculate, so chaste, virginal".
But if a gaze is that of a masculine power Don't be too artsy-fartsy. Compelling language is often simple, and it strikes us through its ability to be clearly understood.
Would you rather I came bare or covered? Nice sexual innuendo. 

                                                                        <----There's a lot of ominous space here. Is this a silent part of the film?--
The aim is what you’re always bothered with 
I don't really understand what this is supposed to mean.
That what is watching  
is always wondering what lies under it all 
To unruin the already ruined, Making up words is acceptable, but I don't think "unruin" exists in dictionaries.
or stretch out my frame
To rehabilitate, renovate, or extend Now you're teaching us carpentry skills.

If you weigh what’s mine and what it counters 
How can I please feel bothered I'm going to reiterate simplicity. Over-compensation dilutes clear points. I think "please" can be removed.

Now that we've reached the second area of ominous space, I'm feeling confused. Everyone is told not to be abstract. Abstraction is a tool best left for masters of poetic craft. So, I would recommend sitting down to think about what this last section was supposed to mean. Do you have any clear ideas, or are you throwing words out of an abstract place in your mind? If you yourself don't know, then assume your audience will be just as puzzled. The section above could benefit from concise, blunt statements.

Sat inside the shared-house
Roaring walls of desire cry out I like the innuendo here. Walls of her you-know-what?
for more time, rewiring, I think you're a carpenter by trade.
and something to buy her
Like a capricious child 
acute in acquiring
the preciousness of cute These lines make sense, but the language used is confusing. How can you more clearly dictate what you say in fewer lines? Maybe: "A cute, precious child// capricious.." There are so many options.
They eye her How so? This line is suggesting so much, and I wonder what you mean here.

The quiet space seemed inviting 
The space between the pilot of the vessel With less words, it reads: "... space between pilot and vessel". Do you like that?
and the smileless wrestle I think you invented a word again.
of fear and courage racing each other
till the winner meets the sighting of the reflection 
Nevertheless I’m trying I really like how direct these last three lines are. I think a comma will suffice after "Nevertheless". 

So I bite on some dried fruit This metaphor could be more powerful if you'd previously mentioned fruit. Try using more nectar metaphors throughout, then carry it on.
Soya milk "Soya milk" can easily rest as the resolve for the last line, so a line break here isn't necessary.
And guess I’m about to go with it
The whole of my ensemble
could do with another note in it
A little change of rote
Not estranged – Nice consonance, nice internal rhyme. These five lines are good, but can be reduced to four or three. 
still resembling the strength that I came here with

The lines that I draw At this point, I feel like I've nit-picked so much of your work. There is some consistency in everything I've noted, so I will continue with it.
are not there to shame the lands that they claim The drawn lines and claimed land seem odd, and have now appeared from nowhere. Like I said before about the fruit: Metaphors, symbols, etc., give your work absolute strength when they are carried through the entire piece. They evolve, and are permeable. Go back to the beginning-- apply them through permutation. 
Rather rhyme with them,
with the aim of acclaiming the finery
of the apricots and pines See, you did it here.
aligned so divinely
within the arches of my eyebrows

The lines that I draw
Rhyme with them Here's a good spot-- the lines, the rhymes, and whatever "them" is, will be so powerful when you apply similar metaphors from the beginning to this provocative point.

Marking vows that reverberate inside humble shrines Nice!
whose walls are not man-built They're her walls, right?
but not quite yet gilded either
Still need to feel the resonant power
of a self-love bible As in, self-help book equated to the power of spirituality?
and meet the preacher
that will treasure the space they hold
for what it is and is not Nice integration of the priest. 

I take the tweezers
and sign a defining affirmation: Sweet, more permutations.
This sand These two words don't harbor the power two words alone deserve.
the land, and the nation, is mine
And it’s fine to do whatever I favour 
For the hand brings bliss
And it’s what I’ve been missing
Can you hear the arriving waxwings singing?
The ringing in your ears Like wedding chimes, church bells, nice.
heralding the reminder
this budding delivery
is an attribute of my own fingertips
Shipping from the same residence
Equipped with the same energy
Merging in awe
Married 

I recommend looking up what metaphors are and how they are used, then what imagery is and how it's used. The usage of metaphors and imagery seems sloppy.  After a little studying, you'll have a better understanding of your own work. Everything interwoven here needs stronger connection. The stronger the connection of the words, the stronger the connection between you and your lover will be conveyed. The more solid your ideas are, the less abstract this work will be-- spoken or read.