Eyes

[Franklin'sMan]

Hi Jared. Before I say anything, understand that I've not read the comments left by others before I arrived. So if I mention something already mentioned three times, I ask for patience. 

Here's another one I'm working on.

I'm in my bed wide awake,
     fighting demons my body wants but my heart hates. How does your body want them? Even a hint of how it wants the demons will tell us a lot about the demons. Right now that word can mean anything.

If I open my eyes 
     they're at my fingertips, ready to destroy me. How would they destroy you? Why does keeping your eyes closed keep them from destroying you?

If I close my eyes
     they play a movie of all the things I've done. So they're in your head. But they're also not? Or do you seem them in the dark? The word 'dark'  or 'darkness' could show up somewhere, along with images speaker might see in the dark. That'd make things more concrete.

I don't want to close my eyes
     because I'm afraid of what I'll see.

I don't want to open my eyes,
     but that pain is easier to bear.

So no matter what I do,
     I can't close my eyes. I see the meaning - you can't escape them. But you've used 'eyes' twice above in a literal way, so here my first thought was 'of course you can close your eyes - you can't escape them so it makes no difference'. Then I realized that it was metaphore. But it could be changed so that it has a stronger meaning by being less closely tied to the literal use in the previous two stanzas.

The biggest trouble you're having is much the same that most of us have. You're not being a) descriptive enough because b) you're depending on abstract words like 'want', 'hate', and 'destroy'. This is because c) you're settling for the first words, and descriptions, that spring to mind.

In terms of content, I think you're speaking to something we can all relate to. This can be a strength if you recast it and make this more concrete and personal to the speaker - share with us how it actually sees and appears.