03-27-2017, 02:22 AM
Copious apologies for nearly abandoning this very poem and thanks for the input I received. I have been working a lot and didn't have time to address everyone's valued input.
(Still having trouble with the verbiage of the eye --> I am aiming for an the eye of the bird getting uncomfortably close to yours and staring at you. Any advice appreciated)
We abandoned the buried revenants
in an ancient sand dune.
Adjacent, an inverted spiral
fills slowly with water,
a large sand bowl spring fed yet
perpetually dry
How long, how much water until
you can float? Be still, supine.
Hold your breath in, maybe
as it fills
you can rise
but not turn over.
A disturbingly large bird stilt-walks
along the sand.
It recurves its long sinuous neck
so its eyelashed black eye draws to yours,
inquisitive of your motive.
VERSION #1
We buried revenants in the sand of an ancient dune
and then abandoned them.
Adjacently is an inverted spiral
filling slowly with water,
a large sand bowl spring fed yet dry.
How long, how much water until
you can float?
If you lie supine
hold your breath in,
be still, maybe you can rise
but not turn over.
A disturbingly large bird stilt-walks
along the sand.
It recurves its long sinuous neck
so its eyelashed dark eye closes to yours,
inquisitive of your motive.
(Still having trouble with the verbiage of the eye --> I am aiming for an the eye of the bird getting uncomfortably close to yours and staring at you. Any advice appreciated)
We abandoned the buried revenants
in an ancient sand dune.
Adjacent, an inverted spiral
fills slowly with water,
a large sand bowl spring fed yet
perpetually dry
How long, how much water until
you can float? Be still, supine.
Hold your breath in, maybe
as it fills
you can rise
but not turn over.
A disturbingly large bird stilt-walks
along the sand.
It recurves its long sinuous neck
so its eyelashed black eye draws to yours,
inquisitive of your motive.
VERSION #1
We buried revenants in the sand of an ancient dune
and then abandoned them.
Adjacently is an inverted spiral
filling slowly with water,
a large sand bowl spring fed yet dry.
How long, how much water until
you can float?
If you lie supine
hold your breath in,
be still, maybe you can rise
but not turn over.
A disturbingly large bird stilt-walks
along the sand.
It recurves its long sinuous neck
so its eyelashed dark eye closes to yours,
inquisitive of your motive.