Burial (2nd revision)

[CRNDLSM]

Burial

I dont mind the form here, 16 9-syllable blocks dropping, when you get to the end your buried pretty deep under all the other lines, which look heavier since they're divided in 3's and all the words are one syllable each. I think though I'd rather read it as 16 lines though, for the punctuation and flow.  Sometimes the two word lines aren't strong enough to get their own line

Floods and cold crests

Shift grain from

Smooth rocks I like this image like sifting in a stream

Its strength sweeps drift

Small cracks dredge

In lines this block really confuses me, I can't figure out subject verb and really want it to be clearer

Flares of rushed sprees, sprees are rushed inherently? 

White specs dance

Like wasps

I thought I could

Stand its strength

As stone

I've sunk in, stuck

I was wrong

I'm frail I think a little bit of punctuation should just go all the way

I drudge each foot

Hands thrash out this is getting more engaging for me, I'm feeling more and more like I was too far out at the beach, and I'm about to get pulled out to drown

Splash down

Stern mud grips them

Squish, cringe them the mud squished? Cringe the eyes? 

Eyes drip what's dripping?

These coarse hairs grit

Bone with skin

Mewed, caged, I don't get mewed

Fringed, slapped by nails nails don't slap

My form shreds

Joints numb

Crack hard, like ice

Spreads in flames

Chink, flow I don't like ice and fire both in this, does anything spread like ice, or does anything crack like fire?

Sheer, thick sheets slide

Down my lungs

Teeth stung I like the teeth stung, 

I curve, I click

This dance stops

Dead rock rock and roll is dead, you were dancing, but I've lost the dreaded feeling I'd had built up, not sure what's happening

The ghosts off-shore

Watch this tide

Awe-struckI like this block, 

Its flux, its ebb,

It's course, breeze

Draft, whirI like this one too

Some time has gone

Ice still flows

Swerve, washArctic sea? 

Deep in those flows

Plants still swayalgae? Cyanobacteria?

Mute shift I think you should put this line back with its block.