Acute Myocardial Infarction

[Wjames]

Acute Myocardial Infarction
 
Death: a bird
sitting on my shoulders
with razor sharp beak: "Razor sharp" is a little weak in my eyes, it's too common a phrase.
stroking my carotid artery:
waiting to strike again. I agree about there being too many colons jammed in such a short place, although that was probably a stylistic choice on your part. I don't see a need for any punctuation at all after "beak" in the third line.
I feel you there
and the panic begins to rise. 
 
 
erthona
 
©2017

I don't think you need to specify it as an image of death, rather than a heart attack. A heart attack is one specific path to death, so it inherently implies death while allowing you to add concrete sensations. Thanks for the read!