03-22-2017, 09:59 AM
Well I'm curious, how do you suggest we love our cars? The end seems a little blunt, and it makes such a valid point that I feel like you shouldn't leave us wanting more. Give us the details!
I also feel like a simple colon at the end of line one can enhance the context greatly. It could be a window into the body of your work, allowing us to jump in.
"doesn't care anything about" is strangely worded. I see you may be using simplistic or casual language, which is great considering the casual feeling one should have in one's own car. However, sometimes you may not realize your are confusing the passenger (reader).
I think on the subject of neglect, love is often shrouded with neglect from time to time. It's a good leeway into more personal subject matter. Why did you neglect this car you love? How does your car feel? How do you feel? Are you sitting inside your car, or have you stepped out into the night to take a moment away from it? I feel like you're leaving me wanting so much more here. Spotlights your ability to pull me in- now take me on a ride!
I also feel like a simple colon at the end of line one can enhance the context greatly. It could be a window into the body of your work, allowing us to jump in.
"doesn't care anything about" is strangely worded. I see you may be using simplistic or casual language, which is great considering the casual feeling one should have in one's own car. However, sometimes you may not realize your are confusing the passenger (reader).
I think on the subject of neglect, love is often shrouded with neglect from time to time. It's a good leeway into more personal subject matter. Why did you neglect this car you love? How does your car feel? How do you feel? Are you sitting inside your car, or have you stepped out into the night to take a moment away from it? I feel like you're leaving me wanting so much more here. Spotlights your ability to pull me in- now take me on a ride!