A pocket full of field mice

[Lizzie]

Mmmmm, I like this one, Keith. It reads beautifully.

Mother was too pale
to cough black, so Father
became the house;
a face of weathered granite
melded with stones, kept crooked
by the constant wind raging
off the moors. -- description of the father's face is beautiful and awful. Well done.

I look to the fields and know
the scarecrow sees me,
he's been whispering. -- so creepy. Love it.
When the weathervane turns, -- Yes, a classic symbol of change
his snakes hiss across the crops. -- love the s sounds
I don’t want to listen anymore
but the ground connects us.

I watch the walls at night, my back
to the flames, creatures come to dance -- maybe be more specific about the kind of creatures, what they look like, etc.
behind me. He told me not to turn -- like this idea of the controlling scarecrow -- good way to show the fear
so I watch a life of shadows flying
with the sun and rain, straining
to see the subtleties. -- this line is too telly, I think. I'd put in something concrete, 'straining to see x, y, z'

He's moving closer to the house, -- like the feeling of the impending storm, calling the family in before it hits
I call the children in from the washing line -- some kind of punctuation is needed here at the end
they've been out all day, flapping like larks
on the breeze. I hold them to my cheek,
smell their folded hair. -- love folded and how that ties in with the clothesline

He's outside the window now. I haven’t moved -- again, good way to show fear, also a sense of helplessness
for days. The house growls as the wind changes -- I like growls. This line interests me because I think back, not only to the weathervane, but to the description of the father becoming the house. Leaves the reader pondering.
direction. He's sitting at my table, insects sprawl
from his outstretched hands. -- huge payoff here; horrifying, the stuff of nightmares. Just killer.

It only takes a touch; -- don't like the semi colon, since you have one at the end of the following line. I'd put in a full stop.

I’m in the top field listening for two travelers
as they cross the moors; one is very weak
so I tell him he wont make the journey.
I move a little closer, knowing he can hear me. -- I like the final stanza for what it is, but it was so hard for me to engage it after the shock of the previous stanza -- I'm in horror movie mode, and I just want to see how the story ends. It's hard to transition to a completely different scene.

The whole thing feels like a dream sequence. Great stuff. I'd just like to see the ending re-worked.