city diary: October

[Keith]

I like the idea behind this, looking out from three floors up, imagining the whole place flooded. Then the contrast of the reality almost child like splashing in puddles. Some thoughts below. Best Keith

city diary: October

October rain falls outside my window. Do you need October again? it seems redundant
I dare it. The period seems odd perhaps follow the line through with drown me and then break
Drown me. I live on the third story.
I go outside. Consider bringing in some images, something more for the reader to engage with. I live, I go outside is quite bland.
I splash in a puddle. like the contrast here but again the image could work harder.

You have the bones of an interesting poem here, it could be improved by reducing the number of I's and giving the reader more scope to use our imagination.
Best Keith