03-20-2017, 09:24 AM
Hi Erthona,
I agree the title doesn't match the poem, but perhaps
you have another reason for it?
I hope you are well and not suffering this bird!
Best wishes!
Acute Myocardial Infarction
Death: a bird ---------------I know it's a BIG BIRD, but would it really sit on both shoulders? What sort of bird?
sitting on my shoulders
with razor sharp beak: -----------------punctuation seems wonky
stroking my carotid artery: ---------------I understand WHY the word stroking, though it seems it doesn't completely fit.
waiting to strike again.
I feel you there ---------------"feel"...wouldn't it be more "I know you are/it is there"?
and the panic begins to rise.
erthona
I agree the title doesn't match the poem, but perhaps
you have another reason for it?
I hope you are well and not suffering this bird!
Best wishes!
Acute Myocardial Infarction
Death: a bird ---------------I know it's a BIG BIRD, but would it really sit on both shoulders? What sort of bird?
sitting on my shoulders
with razor sharp beak: -----------------punctuation seems wonky
stroking my carotid artery: ---------------I understand WHY the word stroking, though it seems it doesn't completely fit.
waiting to strike again.
I feel you there ---------------"feel"...wouldn't it be more "I know you are/it is there"?
and the panic begins to rise.
erthona
there's always a better reason to love