Camazotz, revision 4

[amaril]

This is overall a very good poem, however I feel at places it is not as concise as it could be; in a similar vein the tone gets somewhat didactic at points.

We all look mass-produced here,   
like God got a discount
buying the million pack of humans 
in cool summer neutrals— "buying" "humans" "cool" "neutrals" excellent assonance/slant rhyme.  Strong beginning.
Ecru Mushroom, Pinot Grigio, Serengeti Sun.  Dope.  Grigio rhymes with Ecru, Sun with Mushroom.  Specificity of this caliber is rare.
I should buy my dresses wholesale too,
the family pack, so I don't ever run out
(on everyone).  I don't get the (on everyone).  Are you buying dresses for everyone?  The "I should...ever run out" lines are fine, but less striking than the opening; they rephrase the wholesale sentiment and serve as an associative launching pad for the beginning of the next stanza.  However, I think that I would be able to make the leap to "wear my part like a dress while I sweep" easily even if this stanza ended at "Sun." 
 
I wear my part like a dress while I sweep
and whistle like Cinderella with her mice,
but dressed better and less maligned.  'better dressed' sounds better than 'dressed better' here
Strike that, we can't keep rodents;
the HOA is prejudiced against pests.  I like that you bring the HOA into this
So, we get presentable pets,
not hissing cockroaches or emperor scorpions.  these examples (unlike the color tones from the previous stanza) sound clunky to me.  I also feel like they aren't necessary after saying "the HOA is prejudiced against pests."  Maybe instead you could describe the sorts of pets people get?
That's for outlandish people
who fail to assimilate.  These two lines feel forced.  I get that the speaker is being hyperbolic in order to mock the cultural tone, but this sounds like something a dalek would say. "Together we're a perfect palate" from the next stanza does a far better job mocking the doublespeak 'corporate positive' attitude. 
 
Our houses coordinate
for similarity pleases the eye,
but exactness bores.  Seems like a roundabout way of saying 'Our homes are color-coordinated' 
Fantasies of originality actualize
as we paint our garage doors
a slightly different shade of cafe au lait;
together, we're a perfect palate. lol imagining a whole street of people happily painting definitely reminds me of AWiT.  I quite like these last four lines.
 
I play a part, becoming one
with this stage set of Baja Beige,
weather-proof, composite siding.
My parts are: The Perma-Smile,
The Calm Mom, The Breast Who Doesn't Sweat.
I've learned my lines and knocked on the doors
of my characters' minds,
but we can't connect. Good stanza.  I like the nod to the speaker-as-writer.  In a way you've created the world you describe.
 
What would Bukowski say?
“Whine, whine, wine.” 
 
You're right, Charlie, I shouldn't complain
since the drone life is smooth
and there's abundant company
among rows and rows of common blooms,
no less beautiful for being clones.
We're a North Dakota sunflower field,
all smiling up at a humdrum sun.

The ending veers from the rest of the poem, but I like it.  The language is very fluid, both in terms of logic and rhyme.  I sense some real pseudo-optimism buried behind all that sarcasm!  I also like the sense of communication with history/past writers.  An ending like this is preferable to the most elegant paraphrase.