Maybe Now edit 3

[Todd]

This is a strange thing to say. I feel like your words are getting in the way of your poem. It's a sculpture trapped in marble. I hope you don't mind some liberties with your edit and borrowed some from your original. Here's the sculpture that's trying to get out in my opinion.

It's vile ignoring when someone might need you,
might as well kill you,
and you'll look so pitiful.
Every time I sing this song,
it easily rips me apart. 

I heard a little bird crying 

so loud it filled the whole Earth.
When it stopped I tossed and turned.
It seemed absurd, no one else had stirred.

~~
A few other comments below just to give some more reasoning behind what I just said.

Edit

I've seen so many things,
I could list them endlessly:
new and old, love and war,
success and failure.
I've seen what can't be unseen.
Sometimes I shake up distant memories,--All of this reads too vague to draw me in. You can use abstract words and still pull it off (Jacques Prevert "This Love" is a good example)
categorized and made melody,
forgetting to censure.
Then I heard too much: a bird
crying so loud it filled the whole Earth,
and when it stopped I tossed and turned.
It seemed absurd that no one else had stirred.

Maybe now, if you think
putting your heart out there
helps anyone, then you don't know.
There's always a conflict of interest
in being yourself, cause it hurts.
Maybe an apple a day
will keep you healthy for a while.
Maybe a walk in the morning
would be a good start, it won't hurt,--This feels a little too making a speech like in a movie scene.
but ignoring when someone might need you
might as well kill you, it's vile,
and you'll look so pitiful.
Everytime I sing this song, (Typo: Every time)
it easily rips me apart, but
put back together, I'm stronger 
than ever before, in my heart.



Original

I've seen so many things:
a mother's eyes as she sings.
Her baby smiles because she knows
how much her mother loves her.

I've seen so many things:
a lovers heart wrapped in a ring.
When she sings, her soul wrings
on bended knees

I heard a little bird crying 
so loud it filled the whole earth.
When it stopped I tossed and turned.
It seemed absurd, no one else had stirred.

Maybe now, we can all 
go out and get along 
with someone else we don't know
without the conflict of interest
in being ourselves.  It won't hurt.
Maybe an apple a day 
will keep you healthy for a while.
Maybe a walk in the morning 
would be a good start,
but for someone to tell you they love you...
well, that will give you that smile
that you wear so beautiful.
Something as strong as that can easily
rip you apart. But, put back together,
will be stronger than ever before
in your heart.

I do like the core of this and hope you don't mind the clear liberties I took for clarity.

Best,

Todd