Opening A Small Window edit#1.1

[Achebe]

Hi Ella 

I found the rhythm to be quite flat and predictable from the regularity of the meter. I think you've got a dramatic opener, but the meter lets it down.
That's what I think now,may change my mind later.
I've tried to rearrange S1to what at least i my head sounds a bit better.
I liked the poem,except for "cherished", which is hackneyed 

But a good read 

Taking What I Get

I wake in darkness.
The world's in bed, succumbed to silence
luring me with space
to sort and shift ideas into place
to catch the comets streaking through my head
and forfeit sleep for solitude instead, 
recharging for my daily steeplechase
by letting rhymes and meter run their race
before this quietude has fled.

(For fun, but I'm trying to tune up my meter ear. I always have bumps, any help identifying them is greatly appreciated.)