Opening A Small Window edit#1.1

[ellajam]

Opening A Small Window Edit#1.1 (CRNDLSM, achebe, Todd, M2)

I wake in darkness while the world's in bed,
succumb to silence luring me with space
to sort ideas and shift them into place.
I catch the comets streaking through my head
and forfeit sleep for solitude instead,
recharging for my daily steeplechase
by letting rhymes and meter run their race
before this skittish quietude has fled.

Too soon the dawn pokes holes in night's reprieve
awakening usurpers of my time — the thieves.

The verses flee my mind at breakneck speed,
shot through the air from their ejection seats.
My sweethearts pop up from their tangled sheets,
there's not a thing their hugs don't supersede.

Opening A Small Window

I wake in darkness while the world's in bed,
succumb to silence luring me with space
to sort ideas and shift them into place.
I catch the comets streaking through my head
and forfeit sleep for solitude instead,
recharging for my daily steeplechase
by letting rhymes and meter run their race
before this cherished quietude has fled.

Too soon the dawn pokes holes in night's reprieve
and family usurps my time like thieves.

Our interlocking threads have formed a whole:
each one held firmly in a tight-wrought weave
producing patterns each could not conceive.
Their company atones for what they stole.



(For fun, but I'm trying to tune up my meter ear. I always have bumps, any help identifying them is greatly appreciated.)