Rewind (Revision)

[ellajam]

With your fork, you remove
food from your mouth, and like an artist
reconstruct the unchewed almond-crusted salmon

With a fork, you remove
food from your mouth,
and like a conductor reconstruct
the medley of unchewed almond-crusted salmon

Here's why I prefer the artist version:

I get the movement of the hand/fork, then the stop to think about how she is like an artist, then the salmon becomes tiny shards, the way fish flakes, needing to be refit together like a mosaic into a filet.

The conductor version focuses more on the hand/fork motion by elongating it into baton movements and then interrupts reconstruction/salmon with medley, a whole other line of thought, clutter for me. It's interesting and well written but for me the poem loses some immediacy.

I don't think surgeon suits her state of mind, maybe his, but not hers. I hope this helps.