city diary: October

[just mercedes]

city diary: October  not needed here when it starts the first line.

October rain falls outside my window. Do you need this? Hardly likely to fall inside your window, is it? 
I dare it. I don't think you need to say this. You show it by your address to the rain.
Drown me. I live on the third storey. First I think you need a line break between the two sentences, a timing pause. Then I think that, side by side like that, they have more impact. 
I go outside. This is very pedestrian.
I splash in a puddle. I like the juxtaposition of flood and puddle.


The action of your protagonist shows defiance. There seems to be a message here about taking control, turning a flood into a puddle. I guess you're on the other side of the equator, and October rain leads to winter. Here, it's spring, going into summer, so a more positive conotation to Octobr rains. 

I think the relationship in the poem between flood and puddle is clever, but the last two lines don't have the bite of the first two, for me. Lose one of the 'I's, maybe.

I enjoyed the read and engagement, thanks for posting.