03-12-2017, 10:39 PM
Hey Brownlie,
I gotta say, something about your way of writing reminds me of one of my best mates back in high school
. Anyway, lemme respond to your comment.
I feel like the most interesting part of your critique is that you mostly went into the subject matter of the poem. Let me just state beforehand that I dislike trying to convey an opinion on any matter whatsoever through poetry. So first off, I'm not making any value judgement in this poem. Nor am I trying to adres any particular fetish. I wanted to write a poem that melts all kinds of fetishes together into one big stew of sexual perversion. Submission, domination, exhibitionism, degradation, bimbofication. I suggest some possible ways these fetishes could manifest themselves, such as strong childhood experiences. I also hint at the fact that some fetishes might not be wholly healthy for the mind. Obviously plain ol' BDSM doesn't fall into that category most of the time. Think more along the lines of seeking out self-destructive situations or possibly even rape or torture. By throwing these all into a heap I wanted to create a painting of the ranges of human sexual expression and provide some insight into why someone would indulge in such acts. (personally I think I could maybe make the poem longer and make it go into more detail but I fell in love with its poignancy along the way, that may be misguided).
I also wanted to create a juxtaposition between harmless and harmful fetishes to show that they in some sense, are born from the same type of emotions and lust. I don't say they are, It's just implied to make the reader consider it and maybe even feel wrong a bit for considering that. Just to be clear, I'm not condoning non-consensual sex-acts.
I think it's important to know that I've been reading a lot about murderers and mass-rapists and watching a lot of interviews with them before writing this poem.
This refers to the fact that someone can never undo what they have done, but in the same vein, they can never unthink something that they thought. So once someone goes down the rabbit hole of a certain sexual perversion and find out that they like it, they can never rid themselves of that knowledge. In a sense this is the climax of the poem and the only thing the poem states as fact. Whatever people are into, they are. That's a fact. How people and society should deal with that is not a part of this poem. Again, no value judgement.
weird, creepy, nasty, sexy, dark, maybe even upsetting, those are all things I'd hope this poem to evoke. The question is, how do you think I could do that better?
I'm curious to your response and I wanna thank you for taking the time to provide feedback.
With kind regards,
Powder
Just to let everyone know. I won't be able to update the poem for the next week. I'll be going abroad to England/Wales for a week. I might post another thread to continue this discussion when I come back (if that's allowed). Thanks for the feedback and I'll try to keep monitoring this thread while I'm away if I can but I probably won't respond until Saturday.
Cheers!
I gotta say, something about your way of writing reminds me of one of my best mates back in high school
. Anyway, lemme respond to your comment.I feel like the most interesting part of your critique is that you mostly went into the subject matter of the poem. Let me just state beforehand that I dislike trying to convey an opinion on any matter whatsoever through poetry. So first off, I'm not making any value judgement in this poem. Nor am I trying to adres any particular fetish. I wanted to write a poem that melts all kinds of fetishes together into one big stew of sexual perversion. Submission, domination, exhibitionism, degradation, bimbofication. I suggest some possible ways these fetishes could manifest themselves, such as strong childhood experiences. I also hint at the fact that some fetishes might not be wholly healthy for the mind. Obviously plain ol' BDSM doesn't fall into that category most of the time. Think more along the lines of seeking out self-destructive situations or possibly even rape or torture. By throwing these all into a heap I wanted to create a painting of the ranges of human sexual expression and provide some insight into why someone would indulge in such acts. (personally I think I could maybe make the poem longer and make it go into more detail but I fell in love with its poignancy along the way, that may be misguided).
I also wanted to create a juxtaposition between harmless and harmful fetishes to show that they in some sense, are born from the same type of emotions and lust. I don't say they are, It's just implied to make the reader consider it and maybe even feel wrong a bit for considering that. Just to be clear, I'm not condoning non-consensual sex-acts.
I think it's important to know that I've been reading a lot about murderers and mass-rapists and watching a lot of interviews with them before writing this poem.
Quote:-no thought can turn back time
no time can turn back thought-- What is this? An antimetabole (crap term) or something? An antiquated politician? Maybe I'm an American, F' ya, but you should say: Our ills can be scapegoated on the these poor mofos, f' y'all everyone else wears a pants suit, from Express ( damn elitist scum).
This refers to the fact that someone can never undo what they have done, but in the same vein, they can never unthink something that they thought. So once someone goes down the rabbit hole of a certain sexual perversion and find out that they like it, they can never rid themselves of that knowledge. In a sense this is the climax of the poem and the only thing the poem states as fact. Whatever people are into, they are. That's a fact. How people and society should deal with that is not a part of this poem. Again, no value judgement.
weird, creepy, nasty, sexy, dark, maybe even upsetting, those are all things I'd hope this poem to evoke. The question is, how do you think I could do that better?
I'm curious to your response and I wanna thank you for taking the time to provide feedback.
With kind regards,
Powder
Just to let everyone know. I won't be able to update the poem for the next week. I'll be going abroad to England/Wales for a week. I might post another thread to continue this discussion when I come back (if that's allowed). Thanks for the feedback and I'll try to keep monitoring this thread while I'm away if I can but I probably won't respond until Saturday.
Cheers!