03-12-2017, 07:25 AM
Quote:What about sealed tight beneath instead of in? Then you get the suggestion of submission also, as if the flesh is imprisoned.
Awesome. That is just right.
Quote:For the inflicting pleasure dilemma, what about something to do with awakening nerves or suggesting that there's some cognitive dissonance between what is right and what is nice? I feel there's a lack of conflict on a cerebral level here -- this is an opportunity to build on the shame concept and bulk up the middle of your poem at the same time.
Good idea, I'll try and experiment with that tomorrow. It's 11:30 pm now and I actually actually have to go to bed now haha.
Quote:This is how a workshop should work. What a pleasure it is to have you here.
The feeling is mutual, you can't begin to understand how badly I've searched for someone to critique my work. Or maybe you can, considering you might one day have been in my shoes
Anyway, thanks again and you'll probably hear from me tomorrow
