Fetish (adult)

[Leanne]

Hi Powder -- certainly not the most NSFW thing I've read today, and to my delight, not a horrible melange of self-indulgent wank material either, so you're instantly up a couple of points.  In fact, I find myself quite liking what you've done and what you've yet to do, so let's see where we end up.  All suggestions are, of course, nothing more than suggestions.  I know it looks like quite a bit, but I don't tend to bother unless there's something decent to work with in the first place.

FETISH

Flaccid bones and tense flesh -- I like the flaccid bones (well no, I don't like them, but...) -- I feel this could have a bit more energy about it though.  Something along the lines of Flaccid bones and flesh/sealed in skin stretched tight.  Fewer words will increase tension.  
tightly sealed in stretched
skin; heaving and writhing. -- I'd remove heaving and writhing altogether.  They're porno cliches and you don't need the information.  Plus you're falling into an -ing trap.  
Clawing up blood and feverishly -- "and feverishly" doesn't add anything.  You could put clawing up blood straight after the semi-colon in place of heaving and writhing, then launch straight into reaching...
reaching for mangled dreams
tangled in visions of ecstasy and
sensual shame. -- I feel that shame is a hammer-blow in a poem that could really do with more subtlety.  I'd like to see the shame implied rather than explicitly stated.
                      Inflicting pleasure unto -- inflicting pleasure is quite a dull phrase.  Is there some image that would show this, rather than telling it straight out?  Or sounds.  Sounds are good in a sensual poem, after all.
unblemished skin to force into -- unblemished skin is a bit of a cliche.  Maybe describe it, with colour and light.
reality, and bathe in the staining -- quite like staining release -- lots of connotations possible for staining
release of, ungodly obsessions; -- no comma.  I'm not convinced about ungodly either.
harvested from a fading childhood
and wicked whispers of innocence tied down. -- something stronger than tied down perhaps?  Even tethered might work, or restrained.
by moist leather, exotic rope
and love without mercy;
distilling rapture from pain. -- quite a good image

-no thought can turn back time
no time can turn back thought- -- nice circular ending implies both helplessness and a feeling of almost justice.