03-12-2017, 03:07 AM
I think it's an interesting exercise in parallelism but as a poem it's very bare-boned. Really the only words used to add flavour are demon and heart, which are both a bit cliche. Try to make it personal, bring it alive. You are telling me something rather than showing me and allowing me to draw my own conclusions which is in my opinion where poetry shines.
I think that you've found an interesting topic to write about and using parallelism to enhance the sense of being trapped is an interesting idea to play with but this is a bit on the nose.
I think that you've found an interesting topic to write about and using parallelism to enhance the sense of being trapped is an interesting idea to play with but this is a bit on the nose.