03-11-2017, 01:14 PM
Sorry, I didn't think this poem was in intensive and I critiqued in error the first time.
I sincerely apologize.
I liked how the poem seemed to express how things aren't what they seem,
I will try to peck the daylights out of it now that I realize it is in this forum:
The pictures showed us laughing on the beach, -----Clear and strong opening
olive tanned with martini eyes fixed on each other. -----clever sounding, but how can martini eyes be fixed on anything?
I see green because of the olives
I remember the sand ----yes
in my shoes, and the sun in my eyes ----good expression of frustration or displeasure
as we walked to the bar ---- I see sand here again, don't know why, sand bar must have flashed in my head
and fought for an hour seems almost typical, but an hour is a long time
over where to eat.
She told me to smile -----expression of melancholy, degradation
when the waiter took our picture. or ownership
I sincerely apologize.
I liked how the poem seemed to express how things aren't what they seem,
I will try to peck the daylights out of it now that I realize it is in this forum:
The pictures showed us laughing on the beach, -----Clear and strong opening
olive tanned with martini eyes fixed on each other. -----clever sounding, but how can martini eyes be fixed on anything?
I see green because of the olives
I remember the sand ----yes
in my shoes, and the sun in my eyes ----good expression of frustration or displeasure
as we walked to the bar ---- I see sand here again, don't know why, sand bar must have flashed in my head
and fought for an hour seems almost typical, but an hour is a long time
over where to eat.
She told me to smile -----expression of melancholy, degradation
when the waiter took our picture. or ownership
there's always a better reason to love