03-09-2017, 07:07 AM
I read Lizziep's crit and realised that she's summarised 99% of what I wanted to say. The pie lacks clarity for the reasons she's described.
I would also say that if you're trying to extrapolate from a commonplace experience to something deeper and more sublime, you need a transition strophe. Currently, the change in meaning from "hide" to the next line is too sudden, which makes it sound like he writer is overthinking things.
I would also say that if you're trying to extrapolate from a commonplace experience to something deeper and more sublime, you need a transition strophe. Currently, the change in meaning from "hide" to the next line is too sudden, which makes it sound like he writer is overthinking things.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe