haiku? !

[Lizzie]

Revision 1


Hail pellets fury,
Floods shriek a rattling squall:
Bombastic rain stick!

Hi nibbed. The revision seems like an improvement to me. I just can't figure out how flooding shrieks. I live in an area that floods every spring and it doesn't sound like much of anything, maybe a thundering sound if you're near a river that's swollen. Something that the water is pressing up against could shriek. Also shriek and squall are pretty similar in meaning and you might consider changing one to bring in another element.

I like that you used fury as a verb, I thought that was clever.