Hang On

[ponykeeper]

We all use the word "troll" to mean a person who is trying to stir up trouble on the internet, but actual trolls are Skandinavian mythical figures -- either giants or dwarfs.  How does a giant or dwarf relate to the theme of this poem?  If the troll is representing the infirmaties of old age, I think you should consider another symbol.

Actually, I see that the dictionary says that a troll can be a derelict, but I have the same problem with a derelict as a symbol for old age infirmaties -- although a derelict makes more sense to me.  Perhaps you should just use the word "derelict".  If you use the word "vagabond", that would make more sense.  The infirmaties of old age (of which I have about 13 myself) can be seen as illegitimate, just as vagabonds are.

Once you fix that (if you choose to), I think you'll have a good poem.

I hope I'm interpreting your symbolism correctly.  He/she swung on the rope in play in childhood, and now he uses it to hang on.  I wonder -- might you also be suggesting at the end that the man hang himself?

Wow, I didn't realize ropes can represent so many things:  play, hanging on to life, death -- there must be many more.

Thanks Caleb, for looking at this. I can see from your suggestions and ideas where I have failed to make myself clear and will keep your comments in mind when revising.

---

I'm not quite grasping your cadence.  
The line breaks make me expect a rhyme scheme of some sort, even moreso by the two rhymed lines 3 and 4 in the first stanza.
but there is none and that's just fine.  So, When you end line 2 with "  . You"  I end up rereading this line a couple of times trying to grasp whats going on.


In the yard a rope hangs
from a large tree. You
used to swing. A giddy feeling
rode your shoulder whispering
“higher, higher”.


The troll thing doesn't for me. It just drags down the poem in my opinion.  But if you must use the troll then consider this. What kind of Troll?  Under the bridge troll?  Stone trolls are HUGE like the size of an elephant. Trolkins are tiny and have punky hair.  There's so many different types of trolls that I have no idea how heavy this troll is. 

Now you shuffle
with a gait where the weight             I don't get the use of the word 'where'  in this sentence. It seems that the word 'like' or possibly 'as is'
of a troll being dragged      
across the floor kicks                       I think you need some kind of punctuation in here like a comma or something in between floor and kicks.
at your calves and pummels
every inch of your limbs.                   
It gnaws at your knees
and screeches all night.

So you lie awake.                         I love one lonely line. 

A giddy dream swings
from one use of that rope,             I'm having a hard time picturing the image you are conjuring here.   I think it's the comma. 
to another.

Hi canofworms, thank you for your time in looking at this. The unpopularity of my troll image leads me to believe that I should revise and use the image I used when I initially wrote the poem. I second guessed myself and changed it to troll. I'll keep your comments in mind when I revise.

---

Hang On
 
In the yard a rope hangs
from a large tree. You                     Maybe a different personal
used to swing. A giddy feeling          pronoun, and/or name 
rode your shoulder whispering          specific?
 “higher, higher”.
 
Now you shuffle
with a gait where the weight         
of a troll *being *dragged                   *omit?
*across *the *floor kicks                     
at your calves and pummels             
every inch of your limbs.
It gnaws at your knees                   
and screeches all night.                     
 
So you lie awake.                            
                                                       Surprising twist, it reminded
A giddy dream swings                        me of the troll of arthritis!
from one use of that rope,                  Thank you for the privilege
to another.                                        of critiquing your work.                                                                                                                              

Thank you Nibbed, for your time and effort in looking at this. You make good points which I will think about in my rewrite.