02-26-2017, 12:07 PM
In lines 4-5, I would suggest moving the "the"s so it becomes "The son is prodigal,/The father is awaiting" as this seems to better parallel the way you refer to these two figures throughout S1. Additionally, although I like the meaning that you're getting across in the last 4 lines of S2, I think that they could be rewritten to improve the imagery. Maybe make a more concrete sensory connection between what is happening in Heaven and on Earth?
The tone and form of the poem is gorgeous though, especially the first 3 lines of S1 and all of S3, so I think that with a bit of revision it will be absolutely fantastic.
The tone and form of the poem is gorgeous though, especially the first 3 lines of S1 and all of S3, so I think that with a bit of revision it will be absolutely fantastic.