02-24-2017, 04:28 PM
UM...*eyes roll back* I fucking looooove the first two lines. soooo very nice.
I would only ask you to tweak the very last line....not sure what to suggest even, has to come from you.
For me, this is a gem.
just play with the last line...maybe add one more line...something to rival the 'oomph' power of your opening
(-; Vanity
I would only ask you to tweak the very last line....not sure what to suggest even, has to come from you.
For me, this is a gem.
just play with the last line...maybe add one more line...something to rival the 'oomph' power of your opening
(-; Vanity
"Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?" -Vicomte de Valmont, Dangerous Liasons