Aubade for the Bipolar
#4
(02-24-2017, 07:42 AM)Todd Wrote:  The morning is for Rachmaninoff and bees,
and the soft steps of pollened feet,

as black separates from white. ....while this line is plain in itself, it's brilliant where it is 

The sun is a bronze chime ... i would prefer "brass" for verisimilitude but it's an ugly word. However, a bronze chime cannot give off a copper light as bronze is darker. 

and half the bed shivers.

In the copper glow,
the dew on the leaf 

is a dappled darkness.   .... although I love this last line, I can help but doubt whether dew can be a dappled darkness. "The dewy leaf / casts a dappled darkness", for instance, would be easier to explain. But "dewy" is cliched
Great mood poem
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
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Messages In This Thread
Aubade for the Bipolar - by Todd - 02-24-2017, 07:42 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Leanne - 02-24-2017, 07:54 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Donald Q. - 02-24-2017, 09:06 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Achebe - 02-24-2017, 01:48 PM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Vanity - 02-24-2017, 04:28 PM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by RiverNotch - 02-24-2017, 09:16 PM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Todd - 02-25-2017, 12:31 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Donald Q. - 02-25-2017, 03:34 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Leanne - 02-25-2017, 05:50 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by underthewronghat - 03-07-2017, 11:55 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Todd - 03-08-2017, 12:08 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by nibbed - 03-08-2017, 05:27 AM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Todd - 03-08-2017, 11:34 PM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Fox Womb - 03-12-2017, 01:43 PM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Todd - 03-13-2017, 11:02 PM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Lizzie - 03-14-2017, 03:15 PM
RE: Aubade for the Bipolar - by Todd - 03-14-2017, 03:54 PM



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