02-23-2017, 04:16 AM
Nice redraft.
When I read the first line again I got really excited that you might have made every line 13 sylables as well, before realising that obviously, no, you don't hate yourself enough to try to do that to your poem.
So then I did it to your poem instead because I'm a terrible person.
I won't post the result unless you actually want to see it; I know that having someone else piss around with a piece can be unhelpful and awkward.
When I read the first line again I got really excited that you might have made every line 13 sylables as well, before realising that obviously, no, you don't hate yourself enough to try to do that to your poem.
So then I did it to your poem instead because I'm a terrible person.
I won't post the result unless you actually want to see it; I know that having someone else piss around with a piece can be unhelpful and awkward.