Guilty gifts

[Keith]

[quote='Keith' pid='224112' dateline='1486508603']
Edit 1 Quix

The wooden boards flexed like sleeping ribs I think this line still works where it is as your only talking about the wooden boards in passing.  Perhaps try and relate this line a bit more with the next to make it seem better placed
as a large wave spewed over a little café
soaking her favourite Sunday morning spot
to sip hot Mocha, close her eyes
and face the sun, inhale the sea-salt air
the way her mother had always done.

She wanted to feel small again,
still brave enough
to shout her name into the head wind,
to breath herself alive in the rising swell.

The pier was deserted as she stepped over
the danger sign that danced on its rusty chain. Good use of the word dancing to personify the waves
Through the murk of stirred up sand
her raincoat demanded attention,
a slash of red bleeding across the grey.  An excellent image here

Far off in the deep its mass was moving,
a vast sea cat timing its run for the neck,  Not a fan of the use of sea cat here the description of the deep as a "mass moving" at the start of this stanza makes me think of the sea as majestic and powerful.  The reference to the sea cat detracts from that I think
each thudded step counted in the waves
as she ran towards the spray,
a surfer would have known what was coming.
The ocean smashed through the decking,
a sledge hammer on piano keys,
its mouth tight around her legs and chest
as it carried her deafeningly into muffled silence.

On a warm Sunday her usual spot was taken,
a man watching his son crab fishing on the rocks.
” I've got one” the boy shouted,
guiding his catch into a bucket.
He didn't notice the red shape shifting in the sand
surfacing only to fold across the rocks,
a small offering as the guilty tide
bowed with outstretched arms
and stepped away.  Great ending 

I really enjoyed reading your poem as you've got lots of strong vivid imagery

Thank you for the feedback Mark, you have made some good points, I have decided to let this one site a while so I can consider if the stanza move was the right thing to do, I will come back and I will use your comments to influence a second edit. Thanks again Keith