02-20-2017, 11:45 PM
(02-19-2017, 04:04 PM)Todd Wrote: People only tell you they’ll go backI really like this poem; well written and great premise. Like Crndl, I am also unsure about the movie stuff; you'd perhaps need to write more or restructure for this aspect to play out? I also thought that the kill hitler / elevators segue is a bit too fast. Love to read any revision, especially seeing as I've not been particularly helpful with my crit
to kill Hitler, but that’s not why A poem about timetravel cliche... Yes Todd!
elevators no longer skip Not gonna lie I spend a few minutes trying to work out how hitler and friday 13 were connected before realising this bit was for jesus.
the thirteenth floor. Christ
no longer split the horizon Nice
on that day. The blood no longer
falling from His face like rain.
Why kill a German artist
with an above average appreciation
of the human form? Memory
is chalk scratched on a dark board, only
to be wiped away—a side effect,
like the child not drowned
in Crystal Lake.
Barry and Claudette lie on a bed
of dry pine needles.
Her back arches like the blade
of an axe. Hmm I also am not sure about the last 6 lines; it's not badly written but it's hard to bring the movie in at the end and give it enough clout.
. Thanks for sharing.

