on concrete and hippies

[canofworms]

we awaken to the sounds               --- awaken seems a little too poetic for a poem about concrete and acceptance of a mundane life.  Wake or "wake up" would work.
of dump trucks        cement mixers
hydraulics hissing                         ----I think "hydraulic hissing" works better.  It is a concrete thing like truck and mixer whereas "hydraulics hissing" is an activity. 




they should sound like failure
        my failure                           .
to bend        to blend                     --- One assumed you failed to bend to society's norms and blend in. But the you go onto say counter culture stuff. Did you fail to blend in 
to use the tree canopy as roof                                                            with the henna/crystal/hemp crowd?         
the leaves as bed

children fight over a toy
that they each must have
they and no other
push pull punch scream tattle      ---Could you not write this whole verse about adult behavior "as the way of nature"
their love for each other
is no deterrent to        mine
not when they want
not when it's               theirs
tell me how
this is not the way of nature?

you tell me to touch the nature within me—
you and your henna tattoos
essential oils        magnets        crystals                              
and hemp everything
you tell me
allow the primal to guide

but if i'm honest
the trucks' rumbling sounds like assertion
instead of apologizing or moving to the side
sorry—so sorry

i'm not sorry today

i breathe deep the sound of
control        a concrete anchor
because this is where we'll stay
here and nowhere else

---

Looking to see if I should pursue this one or if it's yawn producing.

I think you should pursue it. 


I like the no punctuation thing.  : )